Empowering Boundaries: Achieving Effective Implementation through Action

While words are essential for communicating boundaries, actions are equally crucial for successfully establishing and maintaining those boundaries - especially when dealing with loved ones affected by substance use disorder who may disregard verbal directions. Simply conveying expectations through carefully crafted statements is often insufficient. To create sustainable boundaries, it is vital to pair verbal boundary-setting with a proactive, actionable plan that outlines specific consequences for violating the stated boundaries.

We often pay close attention to what people say and do in our everyday interactions. Words and actions are the primary means to communicate, express ourselves, and build relationships. Words and actions are essential to creating boundaries with people, especially those who are suffering from SUD (Substance Use Disorder).

Boundaries serve as a protective shield around our emotional, mental, and physical well-being. They are guidelines for how we want to be treated and what we are comfortable with. Boundaries vary from person to person and can encompass aspects such as personal space, privacy, emotional vulnerability, and time. Setting and maintaining boundaries is crucial for maintaining healthy relationships, fostering self-respect, and ensuring personal growth.

Many times, people think boundaries are about carefully choosing our words to convey exactly what we want, and then people should just listen to us. Unfortunately, words are only half of the boundary-setting process. Yes, the carefully crafted words we use to define our boundaries are important. It's always good to let people know what we expect of them. 

It's not just the words we use, but the actions we take that are essential to creating successful and sustainable boundaries. The people we are setting boundaries with, especially our loved ones affected by SUD, often ignore our words. However, they find it much harder to ignore the actions we implement. This emphasizes the importance of proactive and effective action in boundary setting. 

While words are essential in conveying boundaries, actions play a significant role in their establishment. This is particularly true when dealing with individuals affected by SUD who may disregard verbal communication. Therefore, it is essential to accompany our boundary-setting with clear action plans. Employing strategies like the IF>THEN formula, where consequences are clearly stated, can reinforce the boundaries we set.

To develop successful and sustainable boundaries, it is helpful to employ the SMART formula as well:

1. Specific: Clearly define the expectations and conditions of the boundary.

2. Measurable: Establish a means of evaluating progress and compliance.

3. Attainable: Set realistic goals that are within reach.

4. Realistic: Ensure that the boundary aligns with practical circumstances.

5. Timetabled: Assign a specific timeframe for meeting the conditions.

For instance, if you are considering having a loved one live with you, a guideline could be established using the SMART formula. This could include expectations such as finding employment within the first 14 days, abstaining from drug use while undergoing random testing, and securing alternative housing within 180 days (approximately six months). Clearly stating the consequences, such as finding another place to live within 48 hours if the conditions are not met, reinforces the importance of adhering to the established boundaries.

The other half is when/if they don't meet the conditions, you have to follow through with the action plan. Never state an action you aren't prepared to follow through with; they will call your bluff every time. The only thing they will hear from you is the action behind the words you state. 

Implementing boundaries can be challenging, and it's normal to struggle with knowing where to begin or how to articulate expectations. But remember, you're not alone in this journey. Being prepared to follow through with the outlined action plan is crucial, as empty threats can undermine the effectiveness of boundaries. If you need more guidance on this subject, you can email me directly at Jennifer@ManeelyConsulting.com. My website, ManeelyConsulting.com, offers many free resources.